When Parents Should Coach Their Own Child

Many parents have a difficult time deciding whether they should coach their own child and many parents coach their own when they probably should not. For some parents and children, this situation of having mom or dad coaching proves to be a rewarding experience. For others, it becomes a negative experience with possible lasting, unfortunate consequences. Parents, who have the proper motivation, their child's consent and can answer yes to these five questions, should feel good about coaching their own child.

Things parents should consider before making the decision:

1. Motivation - Does the parent have the proper motivation? The main reason to coach, anytime, is that the parent has a solid background in the sport and wants to pass that knowledge on to young players. Parents who only want to coach so another coach will not screw up their child's sport development or because they want their son or daughter to have better playing opportunities, are off base with this motivation.

2. Child's Desire - Does the child want their parent to coach? This is often difficult to discern because a child will usually say they want the parent to coach but they may not really feel that way. Parents should analyze how much tension there is when practicing together. When it seems like either the parent or child is always mad at the end of practice, it is probably not a good idea to coach your child. This tense situation usually does not alleviate when part of a team and may even increase. Parents should consult their spouse for their opinion on this matter before deciding, also.

3. Perspective - Can the parent treat own child as if they are just another member of team? This is probably the toughest challenge when coaching one's own child. Parents must make a concerted effort to treat their kids the same as other team members. It can be difficult but extremely important that coaches do not show favoritism or treat their kid tougher than other players.

4. Time - Does the parent still have time to spend away from the sport with child? If there is only time to spend with your child when playing the sport and not time for other activities, it is not a good idea.

5. Evaluation - Does the parent have someone to turn to for honest feedback? Coaches who have a good relationship with their coaches and can depend on them to inform the parent-coach when beyond-normal tension develops between them and their child is crucial.

Finally, after a few years of coaching their own child, parents should consider taking a year or so off, so their child get the necessary experience of learning and dealing with other adults.


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"Playing major league baseball - sweet; helping kids - better."
Jack Perconte helps parents and athletes get through the challenging world of youth sports. He shares his playing, coaching baseball and parenting experiences in his books, The Making of a Hitter and Raising an Athlete.